Desire
by CJMJM
Summary: Derek contemplates desire and who it is he desires. Dasey drabble.


**I don't wanna call it a one-shot because it's so short. So I'll say it's an 832-word drabble, created out of complete randomness.**

**I own nothing…**

Desire.

What is desire?

Desire as a verb is defined simply as:

_1. to wish or long for; crave; want. _

_2. to express a wish to obtain; ask for; request._

Desire as a noun is defined as:

_3. a longing or craving, as for something that brings satisfaction or enjoyment. _

_4. an expressed wish; request. _

_5. something desired. _

_6. sexual appetite or a sexual urge. _

I, Derek Venturi, desire something…_someone_ whom I simply cannot have. That doesn't stop me from _craving_ the sensation of her lips on mine every time we're gripped in an argument together and all I see is her mouth, those lips, moving, but hear nothing she is saying. Or from wanting to pull her into my bed when I see her licking those lips and brushing her long brown tresses out of her face as she slaves over a school assignment she just has to perfect. Her perfectly sculpted nose scrunching up in all of her concentration…

No, I have not admitted to anyone these_ feelings_ I've been having for quite some time now. It took me long enough to come to terms with the realization that the person whom I thought I hated, I in fact wanted…_Want_, _crave_, dream of, _desire_… But that doesn't mean I'm going to be expressing those feelings to anyone any time soon. I, _The Derek_, simply do not go around wanting things…girls…that I know do not want me back. I'm the one who is usually desired, so spare me for not wanting to let anyone know I desire someone that I undoubtedly cannot have. I've gone over it in my head tons of times and I still come to the same conclusion…

As much as I _long_ for there to be something, there's just no way of going around the fact that I drive her crazy, and not in the way I fantasize about. Even if I did kiss her what would that end up like? She'd mostly likely knee me where it hurts and hate and avoid me until we graduate and never see each other again until awkward holidays, or…something _else_ could happen. But then again, I, _The Derek_, do not do _one time_ things…unless; _I_ want it to be that way. And when I play it over in my head, I don't see myself being the one to want to forget it…to _stop_ it. Yep, I've come to terms with that too. As much as I desire _anything_ happening with her, I don't want, _can't_ deal with…_rejection_. Not from her, I would not be able to handle that kind of rejection and I know it.

Nevertheless, its fine you know? At least I'm sparing my feelings here, and when it comes down to it, I'm doing her a favor because even if there were to be something. I mean, really, do you really think Dad and Nora would just clap their hands and pat us on the heads, and everything would be okay if they found out? I mean sure, we could sneak around, but there's two _very nosy_, very _smart_ younger siblings that we'd have to deal with here. And sure, I could just bribe Edwin to keep his mouth shut, but Casey would be horrified if Lizzie saw her doing something _perfectly imperfect_.

And just think of how scarred for life my little Smarti would be if she ever walked in on anything. I shudder at the thought. I wouldn't want to scar my baby sister like that, no, no way. So, I knew these feelings were doomed from the start. Not gonna happen, completely unreachable, not a chance! And I mean, I'm Derek Venturi, _the_ Derek Venturi, if anyone can deal with these _sexual urgencies_, it's me. I can have any girl at school at the snap of my fingers. Well, anyone, but _her_. But hey, we've covered that so yeah…

I'm totally fine, I promise. I've come to terms with these feelings a long time ago…or maybe just an hour ago. But whatever, who's counting? It totally doesn't bother me that her hand just brushed up against mine as she passed me a plate of something…what are we eating again? Oh, my favorite, steak and potatoes. I scarf down my food quickly to replace this feeling in my stomach with something else, _fullness_. Casey looks at me with disgust, "Ew, Der_ek_, chew all of your food before you put more in your mouth! You pig!" Edwin and Lizzie laugh. Nora says something to her, what, I don't know. I've already tuned them out having laughed at Casey, causing more food to fall out of my mouth. I continue to stuff more in.

She thinks I'm a pig, good, I _disgust_ her. That's exactly the response I wanted. As long as it stays this way these feelings should fade…right? ....

Nah, I'm totally fine. I've come to terms with the fact Casey's just going to be _something desired_ to me…_Someone_.

The object of my demise, simply defined as:

_My step-sister_

**Please don't hate me too much if you didn't like this. This is my first written LWD and Dasey **_**anything**_**. As in, this is the first time I'm writing for this section on this site, and the first time I'm posting something in months.**

**If you liked it a review would be like my ultimate dream coming true: Jensen Ackles jumping out of the TV and giving me a kiss :-D and if you didn't… still review. I like thoughts.**

**Belle**


End file.
